What I Want (a non-comprehensive list)


I wrote this a long while ago, so all this has always been true, just that COVID-19 precautions have brought these to mind with more intensity. I understand my naivety and childish desires. I understand no one is perfect, and I don’t pretend to ever find a companion who fits all these descriptions. In a mate, I would desire imperfection in fact. With that said, I do have desires of my own. Some are listed here, just for my own sake and perhaps that someone else would think about what their own non-comprehensive list would include. It has brought much delight for me to think on such things. Keep in mind, these are not the non-negotiables, for those are on another list, not to be shared here, silly.

….I want to ask you about your day. I want to listen. I really want to hear about your day. I want to drink from your straw. I want to share ice cubes with you. I want to kiss the ketchup off your chin, or the ice cream or salad dressing or whatever else was spilled there on your cute little face and I want you to giggle with me as I kiss. I want to wear your sweatshirt and smell like you. I want people to smile at us. I want to be caught kissing in a public restroom. I want to hold you in a hot tub. I want to dance in the shower with you. I want to cook and clean with you, but mostly cook. I want to fold your clothes and put them away for you. I want to put my hand on your leg at my child’s concert or football game. I want to care for your child. I would birth another child for the right person. I want to be a parent with you. I want to feel your tears on my cheek. I want to wrestle with you and laugh so hard it hurts. Roller coasters. Karaoke. Dancing. Long Walks. The moon. Sunrise. I want to hold your hand. I want to hang on your shoulder. I want to care for you when you’re sick. Oranges…make those silly faces with orange peels and laugh hysterically. I want to eat a bag of Cheetos with you and hit the gym the next morning. Let’s have a bubble contest with bubble gum! I want to share your table. I want to eat off of your plate. Soup? I’m going to laugh when you slurp and you’re going to playfully tell me to stop laughing at you. My friend. I want you to trust me. Know me. Depend on me. Feel for me. Love me. Like me. Just me. Just like me. I want to make sandwiches for your lunch, or make for you whatever you want in your lunch…I just want to pack it for you and leave a special note for you to find at work. I want to get butterflies when your call comes in. I want to get goosebumps when someone asks me about you. I want to smile when I think of you, and even blush. I want to make up stories together and then create them for real. Oh….to lay between your legs and arms intertwined in each other’s body as we listen to music and sip wine and doze off into the bliss. I want to kiss at the stop lights and giggle with you. No hickies tho, that’s my limit. How about ears? Yes, nibble them. I want you to tickle me everywhere. Make me laugh. I want to run your hair through my fingers and smell it and just lose myself there. I want to give you my house key. I want to wake up next to you and know that you’re there because you love me and because you want me. I want to finish your thoughts. I want to worry about you. I want to know your favorite color, number, song, food. I want to know all your favorites. I want your body to fit mine so well that we are confused why it took so long for us to find each other.

I want to be silent together and still be comfortable, soo comfortable. I want people to get butterflies when they see us together because we’re so in love. Different books, same sofa. I want to buy matching flannel shirts and wear them out. Let’s run through a public water fountain together. Relax in the pool and lay on the beach with books and music and drinks and have my hand on your thigh the whole time. Lotion, of course! I can reach that spot on your back, for sure! I want to cook your favorite food on your birthday. Flowers! I want to give you flowers after I heard you had a tough day. I would pick them wild from a field nearby. How about movies? Yes. I want to watch all your favorites. I want to lay with you and wipe your tears for the sad parts, and hold you tight for the scary parts and laugh with you through those funny scenes. And the musicals…don’t get me started. I want to walk dogs together. I want to vacation together. I will listen to your complaints about work and I will relish in your successes. I want you to know how proud of you I am. I am praying for you even now. My one, you are my one.

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